Cameron Bane

You know, there's a certain freedom in knowing no one is reading your blog. It's a little like you've been unshackled, and can blurt out any freaking thing you please.

I could say, for instance, that I enjoy eating cat food; that it's salty and chewy at the same time, with a piquant aftertaste, kind of like soft cashews. I don't eat cat food, of course (I prefer Purina Monkey Chow), but still I could say that, and who would know?

Or I could state that Manos: the Hands of Fate (yes, it's a real movie; look it up) is the greatest motion picture of all time, making Wuthering Heights or Citizen Kane in comparison look like your next door neighbor's ham-handed vacation videos. Those words simply would float off into the ether, never to be acknowledged.

Think I'm wrong about no one reading this? Prove it, and leave a comment! Tell what YOU would say if nobody was listening!*G* Read More 

Notes from all over--

IDIOT SIGHTING:

We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, "NO, it's not. Four is larger than two..."

We haven't used Sears repair since.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, "You gave me too much money." I said, "Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back." She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said "We're sorry but we cannot do that kind of thing." The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.

IDIOT SIGHTING:
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."

IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.

IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."

IDIOT SIGHTING:

The stop-light on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?

She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff's office, no less.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "It's open!" His reply, "I know. I already got that side."

This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

When I left Hawaii and was transferred to FL, I still had the Hawaiian plates on my car, as my car was shipped from Hawaii . I was parking somewhere (I can't remember) and a guy asked me "Wow, you drove from Hawaii to here?" I looked at him and quickly said, "Yep. I took the Hawaii/San Francisco Bridge." He nodded his head and said, "Cool!"

STAY ALERT! They walk among us... and they vote... and they reproduce... Read More 

Nothing writing-related this time. Just gravy, that wonderful substance that deserves a food group of its own.

In the eyes of a true Southerner it must be argued that potatoes in any form are really nothing more than a Gravy Transportation Medium (GTM). Any GTM that can hold a copious quantity of said gravy thus is a requirement for a Thanksgiving or Easter repast (or any repast, really).

In my own misspent youth, when the potatoes were gone I was known to slather two pieces of cornpone with turkey gravy, let it sit and soak for a minute, and then eat the pone with a spoon. The things died happy.

In truly dire circumstances, when even the pone had all disappeared, I'd simply upend the gravy boat into my gaping maw and swallow in rapturous gulps (eliciting squeals of laughter from my younger brother and screams of dismay from my mom).

But I digress... Read More